publishing a memoir

A Conversation with Linda Sivertsen

This year's Nobel Prize in literature went to French writer and memoirist Annie Ernaux, raising the genre to the highest esteem among authors. She was lauded for “for the courage and clinical acuity with which she uncovers the roots, estrangements and collective restraints of personal memory.”

About her writing, she shared that she's not trying to remember but instead is “trying to be inside… To be there at that very instant, without spilling over into the before or after. To be in the pure immanence of a moment.”

I love discovering how different writers approach the creative process and make it their own. This month features author and book doula Linda Sivertsen, who has spent many years interviewing writers on the Beautiful Writers podcast. Her new book by the same name compiles the best advice from her conversations—from Liz Gilbert to Dani Shapiro to Steven Pressfield—while weaving her own journey as a writer through all of her struggles and eventual triumphs.

These days most writers are writing book proposals, whether it's for fiction or nonfiction, and Linda offers a longstanding 'how-to' course that guides you through the process with real-life examples. Scroll down to read our interview and more about Book Proposal Magic.


Linda Sivertsen, “Book Mama,” is in LOVE with books—reading, writing, and selling them. Her titles have won awards and hit all the lists as an author, co-author, and former magazine editor and ghostwriter. But her driving force has been to publish sustainably. Naïve and optimistic enough to believe in magic, she’s on a mission to save forests via her role as a Forest Stewardship Council (FSC) Ambassador.

Now, in Beautiful Writers: A Journey of Big Dreams and Messy Manuscripts—with Tricks of the Trade from Bestselling Authors, Linda shares—and expands on—the best of advice and storytelling from the podcast and follow-up interviews with literary greats, including: Elizabeth Gilbert, Dean Koontz, Terry McMillan, Cheryl Strayed, Steven Pressfield, Jenny Lawson, Deepak Chopra, and Martha Beck. The wisdom in these pages will nourish anyone who appreciates the art of storytelling and dreams of living a creative life.

When she’s not fostering literary love matches on her Beautiful Writers Podcast (a favorite stop for writers on tour), writing, or midwifing books at her Carmel or virtual writing retreats, Linda can be found on the back of a horse or running with her dogs. She and her husband live on their ranch in Scottsdale, Arizona.

 

KARIN GUTMAN: You have carved out a life for yourself, not only as a writer but also guiding so many writers and being an influencer in the literary world.

To what do you attribute your success?

LINDA SIVERTSEN: I think the number one thing I embody, and that I help other people embody, is the belief in their own magic. I had a rebellious spirit as a kid. I'm an odd duck because I'm a rule follower, but a lot of the rules are crazy-making and so I love to learn the rules and then see how I can bend them and go beyond them.

Growing up, I never felt smart. I didn't feel book smart.

KARIN: That's ironic, given that we're working with books here.

LINDA: Yeah. But I had a very strong connection to my intuitive inner world. Growing up I saw that the systems around me didn't always make sense. I didn't buy into or understand them, or even thrive in them. I just trusted my own magic. I think that's why people are identifying with the book, because throughout the storyline you see me limited and challenged and doors closing and all sorts of chaos around me. But I just persevere because I've got a mission. I've got a dream. I've got drive, and I'll learn the craft. I'll learn how to be confident. I'll learn how to get over the bullies that thought I was an airhead in high school. I can overcome all of that because that's dependent on me. And I just knew that my success was largely always going to be dependent on me and I could depend on myself.

KARIN: What was one of your earliest examples of this magic?

LINDA: I always wanted to be a writer. It was a secret dream in my heart, but because I was in the bottom third of my graduating class in high school, I didn't have faith in my ability to make it happen. And then I didn't finish college. I left USC three classes before graduation, so there was some real shame there.

But I had a dream, a literal dream that woke me up at three in the morning. The dream gave me six books—titles, format, covers, pages of text—and told me exactly what to do. The dream was so real that I never questioned it. Never. I was like, Okay, these books are being given to me. I'm a channel for these books. Obviously, this is connected to my heart's desire. I felt so lucky to be given this gift. Now that doesn't mean there wasn't mayhem amongst the magic the entire way, because mayhem is a big part of this storyline, but I think that the magical part was so big for me. It was so impactful that my confidence never wavered.

I think because I'm so aware of the things I overcame, I can then impart that certainty to other people. You may not be certain about your writing, but I'll be certain for you, and together we'll get it done.

KARIN: What happened with those six books?

LINDA: Beautiful Writers is a self-help book, an advice book for writers, but it's also partially a writing memoir. Throughout the story, we see that I pick the book that means the most to me, Lives Charmed. As I'm struggling to birth her, all these other books that I dreamed about keep getting birthed by other authors. So, it creates this urgency and panic. Never about confidence in my own abilities, but an urgency and panic about time, like, I have a dream but I'm hitting so many roadblocks. Will I be able to birth them?

I think it was spirit’s way of scaring the crap out of me, so that I wouldn't let go of the original book as I was facing obstacle after obstacle. Because you have to be dogged, you have to be perseverant.

KARIN: What was the tipping point for Lives Charmed?

LINDA: My agent said that the editors wanted bigger names. Eventually, Leeza Gibbons, Arnold Palmer, and Woody Harrelson all agreed to be included. That was the missing piece. Once I had that trifecta, it was a quick sale.

KARIN: Is landing a publishing deal with a top-five publisher still the goal from your point of view?

LINDA: It is for many, and sometimes myself, but not for Beautiful Writers. I had a follow-up meeting with a top five publisher when I was selling it, and I cancelled the meeting because I fell in love with BenBella in the interim. BenBella is not a top five publisher. They're not even in New York. They're in Dallas, Texas. But they had the vision that I had. I wanted my book to be printed on Forest Stewardship Council paper and to give a percentage of profits to forest restoration. They got excited about that. And the big publisher who has a really nice environmental record didn't seem the least bit excited. So I'm definitely not just a proponent of the big ones.

KARIN: I know you have relationships with a lot of agents and publishers. How do you navigate which of your clients to introduce?

LINDA: I have to be really careful. In the beginning, I would send people before they were ready. I would be talking to an agent and saying, Oh my gosh, you're just gonna love this gal, yada yada. I learned quickly that unless the writing is stunning in black and white, independent of who that person is, that we cannot go to agents or publishers no matter how much I love this person. No matter how close I am to the agent or the publisher. Because if they're not wowed by what they're seeing on the page, I lose credibility and then the next person I pitch gets less attention. I was very blessed that I wrote for so many of the publishers as a ghostwriter. That's where I developed the relationships and skill building.

I think we're all good at different things. You're probably far better than I am at story development. Everybody's got their thing. I'm pretty psychic with people's books, so I no longer want to do deep dive story development like I did when I was a ghostwriter because that's so intensive. I prefer to put that kind of intensity into my own work. But I can see the broad strokes, the big picture. I can take a whole bunch of disjointed things and put it together and outline it really quickly and easily and that's fun for me. But man, doing what you do is a real value and it saves people sanity, because when somebody doesn't know how to take their material and create an arc with it, and a compelling through-line and themes and all of that, doing what you do is a gift from God.

KARIN: Thank you. That’s a nice reflection.

You say that tenacity and perseverance are key. How much do you think that platform plays into the success of an author and salability of a book?

LINDA: I think that as the traditional publishing world continues to merge and get smaller, it's going to be harder and harder to publish traditionally, and platforms will become more important.

I still have clients that sell books with very little social media. One gal got a million-dollar advance last year from Simon & Schuster. She only has 1,200 social media followers. So that still happens.

KARIN: What genre?

LINDA: Self-help. It’s about outlining your dream life. Very mass market.

I had a gal who got a half-million dollars, again for a book without very much social media at all. That was a diet book, and she has a great diet business. She's an expert in her field. Not famous, but willing to go on podcasts and do social media and interviews, and with a really great angle to the topic.

I have several novelist clients who get $100,000 with no social media. They're writing book proposals that are so compelling. The chapter by chapter outlines are thorough, the format works. The marketing ideas are smart and savvy and concise and the authors are lovable. I'm thinking about three of them right now and they're mediagenic. They can walk and talk and look good. They're fearless. They'll put themselves on video and stick it on their social media for 1,000 people, but it's clear that they're going to be marketing forevermore. They're tenacious and the publisher is looking at those people saying, Let's give them a shot because their material is phenomenal and we're willing to bank on them. Odds are we won't lose money and maybe we'll make big.

KARIN: Is it standard for novelists to write proposals?

LINDA: Everyone I know who's a novelist does. When I interviewed Liz Gilbert and Marie Forleo last year for the podcast, I asked, Liz, “What is the last proposal you wrote?” She said the one for City of Girls. So even Liz Gilbert, who had already had a hit with Signature of All Things was writing a book proposal for her next novel. There's a thriller writer whom I just adore, her name is Tosca Lee, she releases about a book a year. They're all fiction, and she said she would never, ever sell a novel without a proposal.

The magic of a proposal is that you’re crafting the key points for your agent to hit with publishers. Later, your acquiring editor may use these same words when pitching you to bookstores and media, etc., because you’ve already done that crafting of sentences and angles and hooks for them. Why anybody would want to sell a book without doing that ahead of time is beyond me. Good luck trusting that a 24-year-old at some PR department is going to do it for you when they've got 30 other titles they're doing.

The beauty is, if you don't sell it, now you've got the blueprint for self-publishing. Go create the book yourself. And then you can promote it with all the angles and hooks and everything else that you put into the proposal.

KARIN: How do you guide the writers you work with?

LINDA: Every person is different. It's almost a vibrational thing. When I'm sitting with somebody I can often feel what their timeline looks and feels like. I frequently sense if it’s going to be a slow burn and they’ll need to take the time to develop other ways in which they can help themselves. One way is relationships in their genre, taking the time to comment on the writers that you love and getting on their radar and going to their book signings. If they're teaching a retreat, go to their retreat, get some connections. Maybe they'll give you a blurb. It's not unheard of to put in a proposal that you've studied with so and so or that you have hired a novelist to review your manuscript. There are all sorts of ways to do that slow relationship building.

I have one client who is so humble. She doesn't have a lot of ego. I felt like her path was going to be a slower one. I felt like she needed to have those connections, to buoy her competence and to help her build a community around her that would lift her up. So she's taken the time and it's been beautiful to watch. It's been a couple years and now her confidence is golden. She's got great connections. She's got a couple of blurbs and way more ‘look at me’ energy. I'm about ready to send her out to agents. I can't wait. I think she's going to be really successful. But it was a slow build.

Other people are on fire right away, and you can feel that. I'm thinking of one gal, she's writing about a tragedy in South America. It's a novel but the issue that she's writing about is really timely. I wouldn't recommend that she do a slow build. I would recommend that she get out there right now because her topic is in the news all the time and the quality of the writing is so good. We did send it out and she's gotten some phenomenal feedback and we're waiting to see if anybody picks it up. But if they don't pick it up, my advice would be for her to start getting in the media with the topic, because it's is also under-reported. If she were to help make the topic more famous, through writing about it, it would be a really good thing.

KARIN: What do you have to say about the genre of memoir specifically?

LINDA: There’s a lot of dismal talk about memoir. They say since the explosion of certain big memoirs, there's a glut in the market and it's harder to sell them. All of that is true. But I never want to limit anybody or the universe.

My book Beautiful Writers started out as a memoir. It was about my divorce called My Midlife Mess. When I went to sell it in 2016, my agent and I took meetings in New York. The meetings were really confusing because some of the editors loved the struggling writing stories and wanted more of those. And then some of the editors were like, Why do you have so many struggling writing stories, this is a divorce memoir. So there was a real disconnect. I had originally thought it was two books, but I didn't believe I was famous enough as an author to pull off writing them, so I combined them. Those editors were mirroring my own doubts. I have since been so grateful that those meetings didn't go well because when I put the book down for a while and walked away from it, I saw a whole new version that could be crafted from the podcast—snippets from these wise, beloved authors amidst my own struggling writing stories. There was the potential of making it a 'memoir with', a 'memoir plus', a 'memoir and'.

That's why my own experience has taught me not to limit anybody. Okay, so there's a lot of competition. But in my head, there's always a way.

Here's the key: Is the writer patient enough, tenacious enough, committed enough to take the time to find that specific way to tell the story? Not everybody is. I was not going to be on my deathbed carrying this book. No fucking way, because I've seen that over and over. I've seen the person who called me 10 years ago and said they couldn't wait to finish their memoir, who died recently still talking about it. To me that's tragic. So I was willing to carry this book around and work on this book for years and years and years until I figured it out. Not everybody has that determination, and that's okay.

Or you write the memoir and give it to your family. My family, including my ex-husband, found so much healing in my divorce memoir, which is a whole other story and incredibly miraculous because believe me, he wasn't written as a hero. I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do with her, but perhaps she never needs to be published because she healed me and she helped my family.

KARIN: Each book has its own life force, right?

LINDA: No doubt.

 

In Linda's own words:

Book Proposals are a BIG deal and an even bigger document. (I’ve seen them come in anywhere between 20-120 pages with sample chapters. As an example, summarizing 30 chapters could take 15-30+ pages alone!) There’s a lot to include. But rest easy. We’re breakin’ it dowwwwn. Section by section. You’ll look back and say, “Whoa! I did all that?! That was easier than I thought!” Trust yourself. And, your muse.

 

Buy the book

To learn more about Linda Sivertsen, visit her
site.

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A Conversation with Barbara Abercrombie

This month I had the great pleasure of interviewing Barbara Abercrombie, a writer and longtime beloved teacher of memoir at UCLA Extension Writers' Program. After knowing Barbara's name for years, I finally had the chance to meet her last February at the San Miguel Writers' Conference in Mexico where we were both teaching. Now looking back, it feels like an alternate magical reality we experienced, remarkably fleeting, just days before our world shifted into lockdown.

Barbara's new book, The Language of Loss, drops next week. It is a compilation of poetry and prose writings that Barbara collected about grief and loss—the book she says she was yearning for after her husband died five years ago. In our conversation below, she shares about what goes into publishing an anthology, along with her terrific insights about the craft of memoir.


Barbara Abercrombie has published novels, children’s picture books, including the award winning Charlie Anderson, and books of non-fiction. Her personal essays have appeared in national publications as well as in many anthologies. Her most recent books on writing, A Year of Writing Dangerously and Kicking in The Wall, were chosen by Poets & Writers Magazine as two of the best books for writers.

New World Library will publish her 16th book, The Language of Loss, an anthology of poetry and prose for grieving and celebrating the love of one’s life, in November 2020.

Barbara received the Outstanding Instructor award and the Distinguished Instructor Award at UCLA Extension where she teaches creative writing. She lives in Los Angeles and Lake Arrowhead with her rescue dogs, Nina and Nelson.

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KARIN GUTMAN: You mention that you wrote the book you wished you had when your husband died. Can you share more about your experience and how this book came about?

BARBARA ABERCROMBIE: My way through bad times is always to read, and when my husband died five and a half years ago what I wanted and needed to read was a book of poetry and prose about grieving for a spouse/ lover/ partner. I couldn’t find an anthology with that focus so I decided to create my own—The Language of Loss. I spent months reading a lot of memoir and also poetry—and then I did the hard part—getting permissions. Most of the material has been published before. There are amazing poets in it: Mary Oliver, E.E. Cummings, Joy Harjo, Naomi Shihab Nye, and Charles Bukowski. And writers: C.S. Lewis, Patti Smith, Abigail Thomas, and Joyce Maynard. I’m in love with the writers and poets in it.

KARIN: How challenging, or not, was it to garner the interest of a publisher? Did you have a strong hand in editing it?

BARBARA: My agent liked my book proposal and sold it to New World Library (a wonderful publishing company who had brought my books on writing into the world.) I edited the book—choosing all the material—and then created an arc through abject grief to getting through it and finally to celebrating the love one lost. My editor at NWL offered suggestions and my copy editor (whom I owe my soul to) caught all my typos and mistakes.

KARIN: What are the legalities for putting a compilation together like this one? Do you have any advice for people who might like to do something similar?

BARBARA: I had to get permission for everything I used, and to pay for much of it. I don’t do well with paper work and it was a long slog—copyrights had to be traced, sometimes I also needed UK rights, and sometimes it took numerous emails to get publishers to reply. I had a real passion though to get this book published. It’s the only one of its kind, so all of the slog was more than worth it.

KARIN: As a longtime teacher of memoir, how do you approach (or suggest) writers begin the process of writing their personal story?

BARBARA: I suggest writing out the story from start to finish. I call this the WTF draft. I also think it’s important to take a good memoir class where you’ll get inspired when you get stuck and learn the basics of craft. A class where you feel safe to write anything and the teacher is in control of comments—meaning that no one gets snarky and everyone feels supported. We’re all so vulnerable writing memoir! I tell my students that all feedback to each other must be honest and detailed but also generous and always aware of the potential of what’s being read. And that the experience and behavior is not to be critiqued, just the writing.

KARIN: What do you believe are the most important aspects when it comes to the craft of memoir? What do you find to be the most challenging things to master?

BARBARA: The tone/the voice.
(This never gets easy no matter how many books you write.)
The story you’re writing, not just the feelings.
The structure.
The take away, the universal thread to your experience.

Writing memoir is challenging, period.

KARIN: Writers in my workshops tend to generate a lot of material and can sometimes get frustrated that it’s not all adding up to something. In other words, the bigger telling still remains elusive. What would you say to that?

BARBARA: I ask my students, “What is the knot you’re trying to unravel in this story?” And anything that doesn’t connect to that knot should be cut. If a scene doesn’t serve the story and connect to the larger story, or add to understanding the characters—cut.

KARIN: Do you have any tips on how to approach structure?

BARBARA: I have absolutely no tips on structure! There are no rules or guidelines—each writer has to find structure for him/herself. And you find it by writing. Okay, one tip: Read. Study how other writers do it. That’s how you learn to write anything.

KARIN: I also find that writers can get hung up on TENSEwhether they should write in present or past tense, or whether they can move back and forth. What would you say?

BARBARA: I personally like to write memoir in present tense—yes, it feels more alive. And then do all memories/flashbacks in past tense. I’ve found that perspective can work in present tense. Realizations, epiphanies can happen in real time.

KARIN: What do you think is the biggest hurdle to publishing a memoir and what is your advice on that front?

BARBARA: The biggest hurdle may be to have a subject that will connect with other people and how to tell the story so it will connect. How your story—though not necessarily identical—can give the reader their own story. I think this is hard in the beginning because our WTF draft is basically telling us our own story and, let’s face it, is therapy writing. So after the first draft it’s a matter of rewriting, coming up with a book proposal that will grab an agent or editor’s interest, and following that up with a polished manuscript.

KARIN: The issue of privacy and personal ethics naturally often comes up. What do you say to someone who is afraid to share their story for fear of alienating family members, or worse, being sued?

BARBARA: Ah, we all worry about this. I don’t think we should write out of revenge, but if someone in your life has behaved badly and this is part of the story you’re telling, you own this experience. It’s your right to write what they said and did, letting them get nailed by their own actions and words. (No matter what, bear in mind that good writing is about generosity.) You have to believe that the story is worth whatever happens if published. Most people won’t be pleased with what you write about them, good or bad. Writers need to make their own boundaries when they write. My only boundary is not to write anything deeply personal about my children. Everyone else is fair game.

KARIN: Do you think a pseudonym is a good option?

BARBARA: Not unless there’s a really good reason and your publisher is okay with it. It’s important to remember as you write that no one will read this until you allow them to.

KARIN: Do you think fictionalizing is a good option?

BARBARA: No. I find the minute anyone starts to fictionalize a memoir, they get stuck and tangled up in what really happened. Fiction is a whole other talent. Writing fiction is to put on masks and veils and to feel free, living a whole other life in someone else’s skin. Of course in fiction you write about some of your own memories but you give them to someone else. On the other hand, one of my favorite novels is The Friend by Sigrid Nunez, whose protagonist has many characteristics of the author. But you need to be as talented as she is to pull it off.

KARIN: What would you say to someone who feels like they have a story in them to tellto potentially publishbut don’t necessarily have a background as a writer?

BARBARA: I’d say give it a try. Take a class. Start writing down bits and pieces of it. Think of your story as a quilt—scenes/memories as square patches in your quilt. Or find a ghost writer. But first my advice would be to simply write down the story.




Buy the book!

To learn more about Barbara Abercrombie, visit her site.

See all interviews

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Barbara Abercrombie & Jacqueline Winspear

In conversation with Monica Holloway

Vroman's Bookstore

Thursday, November 5th

6 p.m. PST


via Zoom.

Register here

 
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