A Conversation with Miriam Jacobson

Tomorrow marks the 20th anniversary of the attacks that took place on September 11, 2001. I had the privilege of working closely with writer Miriam Jacobson on a personal essay in which she shares her experience of that fateful day and its aftermath. Miriam's father worked on the 110th floor of the World Trade Center and was killed in the attack. You can read the piece here, published by the Huffington Post.

I asked Miriam about her experience writing the essay, something she says has been percolating for a long time, and what it means to see her words finally in print. Scroll down to read our interview.

It's rewarding for me, too! I become deeply invested in the stories shared in the intimate spaces of the workshops and private sessions, and to witness them fly into the world and into the hearts and minds of those who read them, is thrilling. I feel so grateful to be a part of this process!

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Miriam Jacobson is a holistic dietitian and the founder of Every Body Bliss, a functional nutrition practice located in Los Angeles. She supports individuals on their healing journey using a combination of nutritional therapy, mindset coaching, and breathwork. It is her mission to create a supportive environment for healing while helping individuals feel empowered, engaged, and joyful about their health. You can follow Miriam on instagram @everybodybliss.

Her personal essay commemorating the 20th anniversary of 9/11 is featured in the Huffington Post.

KARIN GUTMAN: The anniversary of 9/11 must be an emotional time for you each year. How is this year, the 20th anniversary, special or different?

MIRIAM JACOBSON: The anniversary is always so loaded, but I think this year it’s even more complex. I think about 9/11 on most days—my family and I still face its devastating impact on a daily basis. But writing this essay feels like it helped me reclaim some of my power. While some of my worst nightmares came true, I have also been able to help others along my journey and that feels really good. So, it’s complicated. But I’m also just really excited and proud (and honestly a little nervous!) to see my writing out in the world!

KARIN: What inspired you to write a personal essay to commemorate this event?

MIRIAM: For the past few years I wanted to write a personal essay like this, but I didn’t know what to share. I have spent so much time hiding my connection to 9/11 and I was scared of the visibility—was this something I really wanted to call attention to? But I couldn’t escape my nagging thoughts telling me to write my story. While setting goals for the writing workshop this past winter, I thought it could be interesting to write a personal essay for the 20th anniversary. I thought it would be a meaningful way to reflect on my growth over the last 20 years. The other students in the workshop were so supportive and encouraging, which boosted my confidence in later submitting it for publication.

KARIN: Can you share about your writing process? What did you learn from it, personally or as a writer?

I learned how much time and effort goes into writing a cohesive piece. I knew the essence of what I wanted to convey, but had no idea what to say or how to say it. I just started putting words down on paper and presented the essay several times to the writing group, changing the structure as I received feedback from them. Twelve drafts later (with your help) I finally had a final essay to submit. I also didn’t fully realize how challenging it is to write a short piece, because I needed to be picky with every single sentence.

Personally, I’ve been learning to be easier on myself. In the past I have been a perfectionist, pushing down my feelings and grinding through my discomfort to get stuff done. But I know this is counterproductive, and I am trying to rewrite old patterns and be kinder with myself. I took a lot of time writing the piece because it was an emotional process. I gave myself a lot of space and grace when I wasn’t up for it, or knew when I needed to lie down to do breathwork, or talk to a friend to integrate what was surfacing.

KARIN: What do you hope that people remember on this day, the 20th anniversary of September 11th?

There is so much hate and division in today’s world. I want to remind people how much more we can accomplish when we are able to come together and channel more love for one another. After the attacks in 2001, strangers in the NYC community were so kind and supportive, which brought me a tremendous amount of comfort back then. Although we all come from different backgrounds, I hope we can remember how much more powerful we are when we can embrace each other’s differences and act through love rather than xenophobia and hate.

KARIN: For you, who have experienced so much loss, can you share how writing might be helping you to heal or transform that loss?

I wasn’t ready to write about any of this for a long time. Now that I’m finally ready, I find writing helps me process my experiences. Living through these traumas and losses felt like an out-of-body experience. Writing is the opposite—an in-body experience that helps me process the events almost like they’re happening in real-time. Sometimes I find myself in front of my laptop with tears streaming down my face as I write. This feedback points to what parts of my story still need love, attention and healing. I also think it’s incredible that I get to assign meaning to what I lived through, which has helped me reclaim parts of my past when I felt like I was out of control or victimized. I think that’s so powerful!

The most surprising thing about writing and healing has been reconnecting with my family. Writing about my parents feels like I’m bringing them back to life, which is a strange and also sweet experience.

Read Miriam's essay.

To learn more about Miriam Jacobson visit Every Body Bliss.

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Miriam and her father, Steven Jacobson.

Steven Jacobson, chief broadcast engineer for WPIX, perched on the transmitter's 360-foot antenna at the top of the World Trade Center, circa 1981.

Steven Jacobson, on the roof of One World Trade Center.

Photos courtesy of Miriam Jacobson.

The Healing Power of Writing Your Story

“When a woman reduces the emphasis on the outer heroic quest for self-definition, she is free to explore her images and her voice.”

— Maureen Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey

What does it mean to be the heroine of your life, and how can the practice of writing lead you there?
 
My journey began journaling as early as I could write. I still have my first “Snoopy” diary with a broken lock and missing key! It was the way I processed the world around me and made my inner experience real.
 
This early connection to the page has led to a lifelong practice, and eventually to guiding others in discovering and writing their life-based stories, often working with deeply personal material. In my early workshops, people would often blurt out, “This is better than therapy!” which was unsettling since I’m not a therapist. It prompted me to reach out to colleagues for advice, who in turn introduced me to the vast array of scientific research that links writing to an increased sense of well-being. I quickly recognized the healing benefits that had sprung from my own intuitive practice. This excited me, and so my studies deepened.

Over the years, I have come to understand that when we write about our lives, we are taking the fragments—those unconnected, seemingly random memories—and out of them creating coherent narratives. You might start with the plot of your life, which is simply the sequence of events—this happened, then this happened, and so on. This is the raw material. The story is revealed when you attach meaning to those events and discover your emotional truth and journey through them. You show how you’ve moved through the rocky terrain and emerged on the other side, transformed. In this way, we begin to see that the DARKNESS is connected to the LIGHT, that they are part of the same story; and in that, there is a healing, an integration, and a wholeness of one’s Self that emerges.
 
This process is illuminating and deeply empowering, as we are free to interpret what we have experienced and why it matters.
 
But this work is not for the feint of heart. It takes courage. In diving into our stories—like diving into the wreck as Adrienne Rich evocatively describes in her eponymous poem—we take a deep plunge, an immersion. You are required to re-imagine and examine events of the past, and this at times can be painful. So there is a need for self-care, which can take many forms—perhaps building in time for a walk, a warm bubble bath, or connecting with a loved one. You might even thrust your face into an open freezer as a visceral trigger to shock the body back into the present moment.
 
If you’re new to this kind of writing, I suggest you begin by making a list of moments or events from your life—those images that are embedded in your memory, the ones that stick with you and perhaps haunt you. Lists offer an easy ‘way in’. They don’t require full sentences or pretty language. Simple bullet points, like a grocery list. And then, depending on the day and your inner readiness, you tackle one or two, allowing yourself to explore it on the page. Start with 10 minutes a day. The idea is to make it accessible and doable—less daunting, less scary. This ‘writing ritual’ looks different for everyone. I know one friend who has a beautiful desk and spacious place to write, but over time realized that her best writing came from sitting in the car while her son was in karate class. She wrote an entire book that way! There is nothing perfect-looking about this practice. It is about getting to know and trust your own creative process. As you go about ‘getting it out on the page’ you are mapping the territory—letting your subconscious root around and make connections, following the train of thought, and hopefully even surprising yourself.
 
Of course those pesky voices may start their chatter. Who do you think you are? You can't write!
 
To which I say: write anyway. I am giving you permission to write your story. To put a stake in the ground and say, “This is my experience.” It is your truth. It is valid.
 
And it will change your life, for the better.
 

This piece is included in the eBook Captain of your own life, a collection of essays written by heart-centered female entrepreneurs who are using different modalities—such as mindfulness, art journaling, yoga and aromatherapy—to empower others towards personal freedom.

Download the complete eBook

A Conversation with Paula Mallis

I'm excited to announce that I'll be leading a new workshop Write Your Birthing Story which will be taking place on Sunday, March 6th, hosted by Paula Mallis at her home in Venice. Paula is a doula who has been holding circles for women to gather, share and witness each others' stories around pregnancy and birth. As a mother, with my own birthing story, I'm thrilled to co-create this space with her! Read more about Paula and the workshop below.

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PAULA MALLIS is a mother, doula, yoga teacher, meditation guide and facilitator of women circles living in Venice. When she was pregnant and traveling on her own journey into motherhood, something shifted. She experienced a spiritual awakening that allowed her the opportunity to choose a more conscious way to approach her life as a woman and mother. In her practice, she blends her experience as a mother, her expertise as a doula and her extensive training in yoga, as a meditation guide and facilitator. Sharing what she knows and supporting women as they make their own journey into motherhood is her deepest passion.

Karin: Tell us about the Birthing Circle and how it came to be?

Paula: Over the past few years I've been holding circles to give women an opportunity to come and share; really just take a pause to share their transition from being a maiden to being a mother. A part of that transition is by sharing the birthing story that they have experienced in bringing their child into the world. And what I've experienced from holding a space like this is women not realizing how important it was to their healing process to actually pause and go back and share this story which, you know, was maybe one of the most amazing days of their life. And how there really isn't a safe non-judgmental space to share the story.

Being in my own experience having been pregnant and having given birth to my daughter a little over three-and-a-half years ago, I connected with other pregnant women; there were four of us. After we gave birth to our children and they were all either hours or at the most two weeks apart, we got together postpartum and shared our birth stories with each other. It was so beautiful; it was in my tiny little apartment and the four of us sitting around nursing our babies. It was just so special and so powerful to really honor each other and our journeys and what we had gone through and the birthing story that really brought us into motherhood. It was such a beautiful time to share and be together, and so from that I felt inspired to continue to offer that in a space for women to come and experience the same.

How does your “other role” as a doula support this work you're doing, or does it?

Yes absolutely. Part of my practice with my doula clients is going back for a postpartum visit and really debriefing and going over the birth story. And whatever comes up, the joys of the birth, the challenges of the birth, the “Aha” moments really bring our time together to completion. If there are any challenges or moments that they feel that the dots didn't connect for whatever reason, just really being there for my clients; being able to help facilitate any healing or reframing that needs support for the birth however it unfolded or really came into manifestation.

In doing these circles over the last couple of years, have you found that there is any kind of common story thread or theme?

Yes. Well I think the number one thing that comes up for them is, “I am so grateful that I had this space while I was pregnant and that I was willing to show up and hear these stories from the other women because when it came to a moment of questioning or challenge [during my own birthing experience], I was able to tune back in to the circle and remember the stories and remember the strength and remember the courage that all of them had had.” It's just so much gratitude for the circle and that they had an opportunity to be a part of it during their pregnancy.

And then the other thing that 99.9% of women say is, “My birth plan went out the window. What I thought was going to happen just did not happen.” Even if the outcome was absolutely joyful and bliss, for whatever reason in every woman's experience they were just like, “Birth plan? Forget it. It went nothing like I thought it was going to go.” That lesson seems to be one of the number one lessons in birth, the letting go and the surrendering.

I can relate to that for sure.

Yes, me too.

From a doula's perspective, what's the most unique birth experience or story that you've witnessed?

Oh wow. That's interesting. I would love to write a book one day on birth stories through a doula's eyes because I am witnessing the birth story as it happens, the entire birth story I'm a part of. 

One of the most amazing things is the second birth that I ever went to the baby was born in the sac. To be born in the sac is a very mystical thing, it's a very magical thing; it's kind of like an omen. Every baby is a blessing, but being born in the sac is kind of like an extra blessing. It's a pretty miraculous thing to watch as well.

From a personal standpoint, part of what intrigued me about co-creating a workshop with you is how struck I am that I don't share my own birthing story more often. Why we don't talk about it, when it happens to be for every woman a pretty transformative, defining event?

Yeah, I think that so much more is focused on what stroller you're going to get and when's the crib coming. Back in the day it was absolutely a part of gathering and being in the circle and being with women and sharing in this way. I don't know if you've ever read The Red Tent, but it's very much about being in circle and storytelling and sharing. The wisdom of the grandmother was shared with the mother which was shared with the daughter. And that's how women gathered information was through storytelling and through the lineage. So there was no misunderstanding; everyone understood what childbirth was.

But this day and age, we're not necessarily living near families or maybe our mothers or sisters aren't emotionally available to support in the way that we need while we're birthing. So I think it's just culturally we've gotten away from connecting as women and supporting each other through the most powerful day of our lives. When people do share their birth story you hear more negativity than you do positivity around the birthing experience. So my intention is to create the space, structured in a way where it doesn't really matter if you've had a traumatic birth or not. All birth stories are received with love and are honored all in the same way. No one comments back or gives any feedback. It's simply a space to share and to be witnessed and heard.

Hear-hear. That's a great lead-in to my last question about our upcoming collaboration, which I'm excited about!

Me too.

What do you envision for this workshop?

I think what will be beautiful about us collaborating is giving women the opportunity to go deeper and the healing that might come forth, using writing as a tool to heal a part of a woman's birth story that she may not be settled with. Or maybe she wishes that it looked a little different or maybe she just wants to acknowledge that moment of seeing her baby for the first time and that moment of joy and bliss and excitement and really just take a pause and write that out and see what comes forward. And so I'm just excited to hold the space and witness what you bring in your work and have women experience your work. 

Another thing I hear from women is, “Oh I wish I had just written my birth story down right after it happened. I just wish I had it to give my daughter or my son one day so they could read their story of coming into the world.” So I am excited about the opportunity to write and just be in the curiosity of it and open to how it unfolds.

To learn more about Paula Mallis, visit paulamallis.com

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