Interview

A Conversation with Lisa Dale Norton

I have the great pleasure of introducing you to someone whom I've long admired. Lisa Dale Norton is an author and memoir coach who wrote the fantastic guide to writing memoir, Shimmering Images—a book I highly recommend to anyone embarking on this journey of writing personal stories.

She talks about the most important requirement for a memoir to be publishable, and also shares her heartening take on what is being born in this unusual time we're experiencing. She calls it “an opening” available to all of us to step through, provided that we recognize the opportunity.

There is something about what she says that deeply resonates based on what I'm feeling personally and noticing around me. What are you noticing? If you have a moment, I'd love to hear from you.


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Lisa Dale Norton is an author, developmental book editor, and a dynamic public speaker. She is passionate about layered writing structures in narrative nonfiction that reflect the complexity of life experience, and about the transformative power of writing a memoir. 

For many years she taught in the UCLA Extension Writers’ Program. Currently, Lisa works privately as a developmental editor with writers completing book manuscripts. She earned degrees from Reed College and the University of Iowa, and lives in Santa Fe.

She is the author of Shimmering Images: A Handy Little Guide to Writing Memoir (Griffin/St. Martin’s Press), America’s go-to guide for writing memoir, and Hawk Flies Above: Journey to the Heart of the Sandhills (Picador USA/St. Martin’s Press), a book of literary nonfiction—part memoir, part natural history writing—that won comparisons to the work of Annie Dillard. Her new book of literary nonfiction has just been completed.

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KARIN GUTMAN: Where did your journey begin as a writer?

LISA DALE NORTON: I've always been a writer of some sort. When I was very little, I loved writing letters. I'm not sure where that came from, but there was this natural interest in expressing myself on the page. I wrote to everybody and anybody and my mother, I loved it so much. She even helped me find pen pals all over the place whom I would write these letters to.

So early on, I loved the written word. I remember one other story that I've never forgotten. I was in grade school, and we were writing book reports. For some reason I chose a very mundane semi-adult book. I have no idea why I chose that book. But I remember while writing the report for school, I had an absolute, clear image inside me of exactly where I was headed with what I was going to say and the point I was going to make.

I never forgot it, because I thought it was kind of cool and weird. And I think that those kinds of little experiences led me forward, always writing. It’s been what I've always done. Eventually there developed, as with most young writers, the obsession and deep desire to write a book and to be published.

We all know that as writers there becomes this moment where you really are committed to this life; for me, it was the only thing that I could see in front of me. I had to have it, it was an obsession. And so, I went off on that journey and it was a long journey, but I actually got there.

KARIN: When you eventually focused your attention on writing a book, did you know what story you wanted to tell?

LISA: I knew there were things that I cared about, and I had written vast quantities of that wandering journal-esque. I suppose in the midst of that, I was defining that which resonated on the deepest level for me. But no, I did not set out to say, "Hmm, I'm going to write a mystery novel or..." No, it wasn't like that. It was very organic. I came to it slowly. I knew what bothered me, so I knew what the problem was, although I couldn't have spoken of it that way then. And I knew what I loved and I just followed that.

KARIN: Was it personal narrative?

LISA: The first book I published was, yes.

KARIN: Was it about a certain period of your life?

LISA: It was, but it was about much more than that. This turned out to be a story set over a certain set of years and based in the Sandhills region of Nebraska—and my relationship with that place, a little cabin that's there and the family history. But it was really in large part about environmental issues of that region, and that involved not only water, but looking at soils and talking to ranchers. So it was deeply journalistic. I traveled and interviewed for many, many months. It was a weaving together of what grew to be my adult concerns about the landscape and my childhood concerns about this story that was in my heart.

I use the word heart. The Ogallala Aquifer is this huge aquifer that fills the porous soils beneath the sands of the Sandhills and is the throbbing heart of that whole region. It's drying up. That was the whole thrust of the environmental concern.

KARIN: How did you end up publishing it?

LISA: I wrote and wrote and wrote and had developed a certain set of chapters that seemed to be getting at something. I was doing the best I could at the time, but I was passionate and young. I also remember that summer getting ready and saying to myself in my young 20-something mode, “I'm going to make something happen.”

I went to a conference at which I was speaking and teaching. At that conference, I met an agent and she was interested, and having zip knowledge about how it all worked, I was thrilled and I gave her my chapters. Before the conference was over, she said, “I'd like to represent you.” This is the little magic story from the sky.

Over the course of months, she helped me craft these chapters and helped me put together a package, which included what I realize now is a cover letter. She went out to 50 agents and 50 editors. No one took it. And so, she came back to me with the feedback she was getting, and we looked at the feedback together. It's hard discerning what they're really saying, because everyone's very careful, but we did decide that they were saying something vaguely similar.

And so, I rewrote the entire book based on what I thought they might be saying to me. And when that product was ready, I sent it back to the agent and she went out again. I did then get two responses, one from Knopf and one from Picador St. Martin's. There was a little bit of a battle, it was all very exciting. And I went with Picador.

KARIN: Nice. Do you remember what you changed when you rewrote it?

LISA: Gosh, it's been so long. I think it was something like ‘more of me’ in it.

KARIN: You eventually became a teacher of writing and a memoir coach. Did you study writing or did teaching simply emerge from your own background as a writer?

LISA: My second degree was in journalism. So that was a form of writing. When I went to the University of Iowa to study journalism, there was no nonfiction program in the writer's workshop. They didn't exist. At that time, there were no nonfiction programs in America. It was a club. There was fiction and poetry.

KARIN: What year was this?

LISA: I was at Iowa in the eighties. If you wanted to study nonfiction writing, you basically had two tracks. You could get a degree in English and focus on the essay. But you couldn't major in that. And then, in the journalism program, there were two people who were innovative and open, and one of them was a writer and she was writing what we would have called narrative nonfiction. That was her field. I gravitated to her. Patricia Westfall was her name. She was willing to be inventive with me. So along with her and John Bennett, another member of the journalism program, I basically invented a creative thesis in the journalism program to write narrative nonfiction.

I wrote my thesis as a narrative nonfiction product. It was not what the program normally did, but I realize now I was really on the beginning of a wave of people who wanted to study that, but there was no path to study that—no official path. So I had studied writing, but in a kind of a nontraditional way.

KARIN: Were you surprised when personal narrative took hold?

LISA: No. I saw it coming.

KARIN: Do you have a sense of why memoir has emerged in the way it has?

LISA: Well, I can give you my experience of that history.

I was interested in it already, but I was approaching it with this journalistic backbone, or reportage. You had the essay voice going on, but you also had reportage, which I think is important. I think it's important also in memoir today, having something more to say than your own personal thing. So I had been reading a lot of essays and environmental essays because I was crazy about the natural world.
 
Then along came Terry Tempest Williams's book, Refuge. Terry was huge. She was doing exactly what I was already leaning toward. She wrote this very deeply personal story about her mother dying from cancer, which was very related to the land because she grew up in Utah which had been influenced by the nuclear bombs that were being tested. They were downwind and she did die. The book was all about the environment and her mother.

This happened at about exactly the same time I was moving in my own circle of expression. She deeply influenced an entire generation of women writing about a personal experience and that melding with the natural world. So there was a whole movement that happened in the early nineties of women writing about the land, and inside that were these deeply personal, feminine stories.

What then happened was those deeply feminine, personal stories began breaking away from the relationship with natural history issues and they became their own thing.

Then along came Mary Karr and she wrote The Liars Club. I remember when I read about that book and that it was coming out, I said, "That's going to be a huge hit." And indeed, it was. That then signaled women speaking and unhinged from the natural world and in some ways unhinged from really anything else, but the personal story itself. That was the beginning of where the personal story felt no need to attach itself to reportage of any other topic, and the subject itself—me, my life—became the whole thing. If you're a stylist like Mary Karr, you can get away with that. If you're not, here we are today.

KARIN: What do you mean, “If you're not, here we are today”?

LISA: What that means to me is, you have lots and lots of women writing deeply personal intimate stories about their lives, but those stories aren't necessarily attached to any other topic that can add depth for publishing and a good portion of them are not a stylist like Mary Karr. And you have a saturated memoir market, which when Mary Karr came on the scene, you did not have.

KARIN: How do you talk about publishing with a writer?

LISA: Well, I always do clarify because sometimes clients do not have that as their first goal, but I would say 95 to 99% of people say I want to get this published. Or how do I get this published? They may not have actually even written it. So that looms as this myth about what it means and will mean to be a published writer. So right away, I determine whether the writer is interested in that.

Then I have a general conversation about publishing and the various forms available for one to pursue publishing. Then I talk about the kinds of writerly necessities of a story to find a home in the big publishers. And then I let all that rest. And then we try to turn our attention back to producing the best product that that particular writer can produce without ghostwriting.

KARIN: What do you emphasize for a memoir to be publishable?

LISA: I have come to the conclusion that one of the smartest things any memoirist can do is to broaden their story so that it is about more than just their own personal experience. I'm going to give you a simple example. You're writing about a loved one dying with cancer, and half of the story is about cancer or some research or something about science. It's not just about the traumatic journey that the narrator has gone on. It is in part about that, but it's also about this other topic. And when I find memoirists who are willing and able—because it's a different skill when they are willing and able to step up to that and actually produce market-worthy material—they have a hell of a lot better chance of making it in the door.

So that's number one on the list. I would say that 90% or more of people don't want to do that. Beyond that, I basically say, “Your writing has to be stellar, knock my socks off. Wow me,” and 90% of people can't do that. I know I'm sounding horribly jaded and there's nothing wrong with the writing that they are doing, but to get into this elite club, there are certain things that have to be done to play that game.

KARIN: What do you think about the self-publishing and hybrid publishing options that are emerging?

LISA: I think it's great and horrible. It depends on each particular case. It has certainly opened up publishing and that's wonderful. It has also segregated publishing and that's not so wonderful. It has also contributed to the whole redefinition of publishing, at least in our country. And that's sad.

KARIN: Sad because...?

LISA: I used to think of publishing as this well-intentioned marketplace of broad ideas in which many publishers really were committed—deeply, ethically and morally committed—to the dissemination of differing ideas and voices. That is not where we're at right now. I mean, the most recent upsets all rising out of George Floyd and his death point directly at the ongoing and even more deeply embedded inequities in opportunities for publishing and for voices. It's not what it was. One could argue, “Oh, in the good old days, it was just a bunch of old white guys who got published.” Maybe that's a good argument, but still it has narrowed the field and many of those voices are then sent off into the hinterlands of self-publishing, which has a long and potholed-filled journey ahead of it.

KARIN: What has happened?

LISA: Once upon a time, it didn't matter if a publishing house made money, and hence they were more free to publish books they felt were good or important, but which they knew they might lose money on. That was part of what publishing did.

And now it is not like that, or a whole heck of a lot less like that. Because the publishing houses—at least all the imprints at the big 5 in New York—are owned by conglomerates, the bottom line is just exactly what it is for any other arm of a business: It must turn a profit.

When you apply that capitalistic requirement to art, well, you have the situation we now have today, which is: Many books that once upon a time might have made it into a publishing house, will not today, and not because of their merit or worth for society, but rather simply because they will not turn a profit.

KARIN: Now during this time of Covid and George Floyd, I think we’re all experiencing a kind of disorientation. But at the same time, I’m noticing that people are moved to write the stories they haven’t yet voiced. What are you noticing?

LISA: I do think there is a great deal of disorientation that I am picking up on personally and also among colleagues and clients. And yet there's this other thing happening, which I find it very heartening and exciting. It is a place where I have always believed personally that openings come. And one's ability to take advantage of those openings in one's life depends on being aware. Do you see them? Do you recognize them as openings? Are you open to the openings? If we are closed off and tight and inflexible and frightened, we often don't see those openings and they pass us by. The universe delivers them and they dissolve into space-time if we don't grab them.

There's some kind of opening—a black hole, a space-time opening in the universe—and large quantities of people are seeing it. Maybe they're just feeling it; maybe no one can name it. There's nothing we can all call it. I'm calling it an opening. There is this opening for people to step through and what is on the other side we don't know, but what people are coming to the opening with is art and stories and ideas. They're stepping through this opening. They're walking into the unknown, and out of that will come new voices and new stories and new art forms and things we can't even imagine.

It's all very unknown and wonderful and scary. Now there's a lot of people still saying, "I don't know what to do!" And that's okay. That's where they are. But what I'm seeing are all these other people taking the door, walking through the opening and they're making art and they're writing stories and they're doing TED talks or talking to people in their community, on the street corner. They're voicing their stories. And I think there's going to be an incredible blossoming, the likes of which we cannot yet get our hands on.
 
KARIN: That is so heartening and exciting.




To learn more about Lisa Dale Norton, visit her website.

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A Conversation with Jennie Dunham

One thing I've noticed during this time of Covid is that people are leaning into their creativity. We are naturally having to be resourceful to cope with this peculiar situation and I feel like, at least for me, it is forcing me to face and move through some mental blocks I've had. I'm noticing that people are dusting off manuscripts that have been stuck in a drawer, that those who have extra time and solitude are recognizing the gift it also brings, and that overall a deeper commitment to self-expression is emerging.

Through all of this, I've been talking with a dear colleague, Jennie Dunham, who is a successful New York literary agent. Apparently, books are still being sold and readers are still buying books! So she and I have put our minds together to create a publishing salon series to demystify the world of publishing, as a way to make it more accessible.

While most of my time is devoted to story development, helping writers discover what wants to be birthed, I believe that stories are ultimately meant to be shared. And as we all know, there are so many ways to share them! Our intention is to create an intimate setting that offers a rare window into the lens of a professional literary agent and a space where writers can learn how publishing works.

We're kicking off our inaugural event, Prepare to Share Your Work, on Sunday, July 12th, 10 a.m. - 12 p.m. PST via Zoom.

Details are below, along with my recent interview with Jennie, in which she offers her personal take on the role an agent plays in a writer's career, what in a submission catches her eye, and how to think about the path of self-publishing versus traditional publishing.

If you're curious to learn more, I hope you'll consider joining us in July. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have questions!


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Jennie Dunham has been a literary agent in New York City since May 1992. In August 2000 she founded Dunham Literary, Inc.
 
She represents literary fiction and non-fiction for adults and children. Her clients have had both critical and commercial success. Books she has represented have appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers in adult hardcover fiction, children’s books, and children’s book series.

Her clients have won numerous awards including: New York Times Best Illustrated Book, The Schneider Family Award, Boston Globe Horn Book Honor, and Los Angeles Times Book Prize Finalist.

She graduated from Princeton University with a degree in Anthropology and has a master's degree in Social Work from New York University. She frequently speaks at writers conferences and events.

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KARIN GUTMAN: At what point did you realize that you were meant to be a literary agent? What drew you to this work?
 

JENNIE DUNHAM: I have always loved books all my life. I love stories they contain and the beautiful objects they are as well. I wanted to be involved with books from an early age, but when I was young I didn’t know that anyone else was involved in making books other than authors. So that’s what I wanted to be. And then I learned about editors, and that’s what I wanted to be. And then when I graduated from college, someone gave me the book AUTHOR AND AGENT about Eudora Welty and her agent. And I thought, hmmm, I need to consider that too.

I like to say it was by accident because the first job I was offered after college was at a literary agency, and I took it. That’s where I realized that I love finding projects and advocating for authors. Coincidentally, I later worked at the agency that represented Eudora Welty for years before starting my own agency.
 
KARIN: What kinds of books do you like? What is your taste?
 
JENNIE: I like literary, character-driven writing with a strong narrative. As I’m reading a story, I want to be surprised, and I don’t want to feel I’ve been there already. It’s a challenge for writers to create fresh stories, but when I find one, it’s a thrill.
 
KARIN: I understand you get thousands of query submissions each year. What catches your eye?
 
JENNIE: I always look for an author’s strong credentials and platform. I look for a fresh premise, unusual characters, and a strong voice in a project. I’m very interested in #ownvoices, LGBTQA, and diversity in general. I was an anthropology major in college which means I was interested in other cultures and voices long before it was trendy. I always like to find out or learn something new.
 
KARIN: How often do you actually find a writer via a query submission? What are some of the other ways that you find writers?
 
JENNIE: This is unpredictable. I receive a lot of queries, and it’s great to know that writing is a vital, important part of people’s lives. A key way that I get new clients is by referral from current clients. I also attend conferences and workshops, so I meet new writers that way, especially when I give critiques.
 
KARIN: What is the number one thing you look for when you take on a new writer for representation?

JENNIE: Getting an agent doesn’t mean that a writer’s work is done; it means the work a writer does will change. An agent is a team member, so I’m looking for someone who has creative talent and has learned enough about the business of publishing to understand how to be an asset to the team we’re making. Agents deliver good news and bad, and someone who can accept the tough news and move forward is essential to a long term relationship. I also appreciate writers who meet deadlines.
 
KARIN: What do you think of this more recent emergence of self-publishing? Would you recommend writers pursue this path? Who should pursue traditional publishing?
 
JENNIE: Self-publishing has made it easier than ever to make books available to the reading public. The bar is high to get published traditionally, and many writers get frustrated so they stop trying and turn to self-publishing. Because it’s so easy to turn to self-publishing, the quality of self-published books varies widely. Once a book has been available to a wide number of people, most often publishers will feel the book has had an opportunity to reach readers already so they won’t be interested. Traditional publishing usually brings a book credibility, visibility, and distribution. Self-publishing, however, allows a writer full control over the look of the book.

KARIN: Right now, in the time of Covid, are deals still being made? I know a lot of writers who are using their time to get their books done. Is it a good time to be reaching out to publishing agents?
 
JENNIE: Books are still selling! Agents, editors, and authors are making deals, and readers are buying books. During the pandemic, there are fewer distractions and meetings, so it’s a good time for writers to work on their projects. But it’s also not a bad time to submit. While agents and editors are being cautious, everyone is looking towards the end of the pandemic whenever that may be. At all times, people need stories, but the types of stories that people are drawn to changes depending on what’s happening in the world.
 
KARIN: I’m excited to co-lead the Publishing Salon series with you! How might this be helpful to writers?
 

JENNIE: Writers know what they’re trying to say, so I find that sometimes they have trouble seeing holes in the plot or how a character isn’t developed enough. An agent or editor can provide feedback which will help writers improve their writing dramatically. It’s also useful to hear feedback given to other writers. Sometimes the lightbulb moment in understanding what isn’t working on the page comes from recognizing the same problem on someone else’s page.
 
All aspects of book publishing need big blocks of solitary work to write, read, and edit. Connecting with other people feels great after hours of concentrated work alone. It is always invigorating for me to go to conferences and workshops to meet people and discuss their writing. I’m excited about this event!

 
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Publishing Salon

Prepare to Share Your Work


Sunday, July 12th

10 a.m. - 12 p.m. PST


with

Karin Gutman and Jennie Dunham


Hosted via Zoom

 
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The path to publishing a book can be confusing and overwhelming. How can you catch the attention of a literary agent? How do you write a good query letter? Do you need to write a book proposal? And what is an author's platform and why does it matter?

The Publishing Salon is designed to demystify the world of publishing. Through a series of intimate and dynamic conversations, Spirit of Story founder Karin Gutman and esteemed literary agent Jennie Dunhamoffer insights and practical steps for navigating your way to finding a home for your work.

For this inaugural event, Prepare to Share Your Work, Karin and Jennie will provide an overview of how traditional publishing works. This path typically involves a submission process via a literary agent to land a book contract. We’ll discuss the key players, how a book gets sold, and the best way for an author to approach sharing their work in a professional landscape.

We’ll devote a full hour to providing feedback on the premise and first page of up to 10 premium participants, whose work will be shown live on the screen as specific feedback about it is shared. If you are not ready to present your work, you can still take advantage of this unique opportunity to listen to the discussion. We'll dedicate the last 30 minutes to an open Q & A for all participants to ask questions related to the publishing process.

We hope you’ll join us for the kick off of this series. This forum is a way to support you and your book projects by illuminating the path forward!

To learn more about Jennie Dunham and Dunham Literary, visit her site.

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A Conversation with Deborah A. Lott

This spring the formidable Deborah A. Lott—author, editor and college instructor—will be visiting the Unlocking Your Story workshop. She'll be offering us an inside view of the creative process behind writing her memoir Don't Go Crazy Without Me, which just hit the shelves on April 7th! It's a coming of age story of a girl who grows up under the magnetic spell of her outrageously eccentric father.

In our interview below, Deborah shares about what she believes to be essential when writing memoir, and imparts some of what she teaches her writing students at Antioch University.


Deborah A. Lott is a writer, editor, and college instructor. Her creative nonfiction has been published widely. Her work has been thrice named as Notable Essays of the Year in Best American Essays, and thrice nominated for a Pushcart Prize. As an independent editor, Lott has worked with a number of published authors developing articles, web content, books, academic monographs, and other material.

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Her memoir Don’t Go Crazy Without Me (Red Hen Press, April 2020) is a coming of age story of a girl who grows up under the magnetic spell of her outrageously eccentric father. Alienated from her emotionally distant mother, she bonded closely with her father and his worldview. When he plunged from neurotic to full-blown psychotic, she nearly followed him. Sanity is not always a choice, but for the sixteen-year-old, decisions had to be made – a line drawn between reality and what her mother called her “overactive imagination.” She would have to give up an identity and beliefs forged in love.

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KARIN GUTMAN: Can you tell us about your book and what it’s about?

DEBORAH A. LOTT: The book is a coming of age story. It starts when I'm about four and goes right through adolescence. It ends when I'm 17. And it's basically about growing up in a very eccentric family with a kind of nutty father who then becomes psychotic and feeling very closely bound to him in his worldview and then trying to separate. How do you separate?

KARIN: I imagine it’s a seminal story that very much shaped you. Is it something that you've wanted to tell for some time?

DEBORAH: I've been telling a version of it and pieces of it for a very long time, probably ever since I went back and got my MFA and started writing more creatively. I was a medical writer for years and then I started writing more creatively in a more public way. I always kept journals and did my own writing. But I never put it all together in one narrative.

KARIN: When you say ‘versions’, do you mean published essays?

DEBORAH: Yeah, I published quite a number of essays in literary journals that feature some of the episodes and also a number of episodes from my childhood and adolescence that aren't in the book.

KARIN: At what point did you realize it was a book? Was there a point when you knew that you needed to shift your focus and develop it into a full-length narrative?

DEBORAH: Well, I think I wanted it to be a book. Initially the first step… I took some of the episodes and just put them side by side, and then started to work on shaping a narrative. I had a big whiteboard and I wrote a timeline and also the big themes—that were a throughline through the book. And then I decided at a certain point, several years into the process to add some present-day interludes. I didn't want it to be just a straight coming of age; I wanted to show how my childhood and adolescence resonate in my adult life. There are now these present-day interludes interspersed with the coming of age story.

KARIN: How are those interludes woven into the narrative?

DEBORAH: They're separate episodes. There's one continuous narrative that's pretty much linear in time, and then there are these interludes that just say Present, Bedroom, Midnight or Present, Kitchen, 9:00 AM or Present, UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute where I was working as a writer with a group of psychiatrists. So they're interspersed with the story. And they tend to pick up themes that are related to what's going on in the chapters with which they’re interspersed.

They don't talk about the episodes per se, but some of them advance your understanding of the narrator, I would say. And they're not linear themselves, so they don't have their own narrative line. I thought about that. Should they have their own linear line? They don't have a linear arc. They have an emotional arc. They illuminate what's going on in the main narrative.

KARIN: Did you work with anyone through the writing process?

DEBORAH: I worked with a writers’ group. I had a really strong, longstanding writers’ group, which included a number of other incredible women that I shared drafts with. And then at a certain point, I had a conversation with one of my mentors, Mark Doty, and he wanted an editor that he knows, David Groff, to take a look at it. David helped me to come up with more of a linear narrative. And then, of course, once the book sold, Kate Gale, the founder and editor-in-chief of Red Hen Press, helped me take it to another level. She asked really intriguing philosophical and spiritual sorts of questions of the text, and helped me to deepen it.

KARIN: Who is Mark Doty?

DEBORAH: Mark Doty is a poet and memoirist who wrote a memoir called Heaven's Coast that was about his partner dying of AIDS, a gorgeous memoir about grief. He wrote a book called Dog Years partly about his relationship with his dog, about the way human beings interact with dogs, but he's also a poet. He's a National Book Award-winning poet. He has been a mentor, and I had studied with him. I took a weeklong poetry writing course with him, which was really helpful too.

KARIN: Tell me about that.

DEBORAH: I think memoirists should study poetry too, because it helps you bring in that element of lyricism, of close attention to language, so that you're not just telling a story. You're also aware of trying to create a beautiful literary object.

KARIN: What does that mean… to create a beautiful, literary object?

DEBORAH: That you want the language to function as something that's stunning in its own right when people read it. Even though I was writing about pretty sad stuff, I wanted the language to be beautiful.

KARIN: And the poetry class helped?

DEBORAH: Oh yeah. I’m more of a lyrical writer than I am a reporter of fact. Reading and studying poetry helps to amp up the lyricism and fine tunes your ear. You learn to read everything aloud. I think it's important to read your work aloud and hear it. You want it to work on the level of metaphor and you want it to work on the level of the language itself being as glorious as you can make it.

KARIN: At the same time, don't you think there's a risk that a writer overlooks story by relying on pretty language?

DEBORAH: Right, right. You need the story too, of course.

KARIN: Would you agree that story comes first?

DEBORAH: By story, I think you mean an emotional arc, right?

KARIN: Yes.

DEBORAH: You need to know what happened, but also what you learned from it or how you felt about it. I think you need feeling and thinking and beautiful language. I don't think just events do it. Because you can go through some incredible events during your childhood and not be able to write about it in a way that makes anybody else care.

I think if you're really in touch with the emotions and you're in touch with the sensory experience while you're writing, the language will probably follow… if you're writing in a state where you're in touch with the body. I talk to my students a lot about embodied writing.

KARIN: Tell me about that.

DEBORAH: Well, it shouldn't just be coming from your head. It should be coming from a physical place. You should be able to feel it in your body when you're writing it and you should make sure that you include a lot of sensory detail, and the sensory details are also the way you access memory. Right? Memories come through smells and sounds. I know that when my students have trouble remembering an event, I tell them to try to re-create what were the smells, what were the sounds, what were the tastes that you associate with that period?

KARIN: What if you don’t remember a lot of the sensory details, but you remember the general mood and visuals in an impressionistic way?

For example, maybe I remember we were at the kitchen table, but I don't remember what anyone was wearing or any dialogue or sensory details. But I know this event was important.


DEBORAH: You don't need all those details, but if you just recreate at least the emotional texture of it... I think if you start to write about it, some of those details come back. I really do. Obviously it's partly a reconstruction. You're not going to remember exactly what your mother was wearing that day, but you remember what your mother always wore.

KARIN: Right. Like it could have happened, it could have been...

DEBORAH: Do you remember the garments that she wore that stood out and that were important to you? Like I remember the buttons on the coat that my mother wore when she would drop me off at the gate for kindergarten. I remember staring at those buttons and what those buttons looked and felt like. I think there are pieces of it that come back if you sit with it.

KARIN: I love this idea of embodied writing. Do you think the main way into embodied writing is through the sensory details? Is there anything else?

DEBORAH: I think you start with the senses, and then you're just aware of what you're feeling in your body while you're writing about a particular event. And then you share it with readers and you see if it's being communicated. Are they feeling it in their bodies? If they're not feeling it, then what's missing? What is keeping them from getting there?

KARIN: What aspects of writing this book were the most challenging for you?

DEBORAH: I think the depth of feeling that you get to—when you're writing about sad or tragic or disturbing events—can hit you really hard. I think you can be surprised by how much feeling is still there.

I had to write about my father's psychotic break. I wasn't sure for a long time how crazy he really was. He'd always been neurotic and eccentric, and then there was a point at which he was certifiably psychotic. So trying to parse out that moment and how that felt... because when somebody goes crazy, there's a level at which you feel betrayed, like they've abandoned you. So getting to that, those feelings of abandonment and for how long I would try to justify or rationalize how crazy he was and then what it felt like to realize that he was psychotic and that I had to separate from that state of mind or I was going to go nuts too. There were feelings there that I didn't anticipate and that I couldn't have anticipated.

I also had to write about Robert F. Kennedy's assassination, because I was at the Ambassador Hotel the night he was assassinated. For years I'd really avoided looking at the video of it or even thinking too much about it because I was still so grief-stricken. It was still so painful to remember that night. To check on the details, I had to go back and look at TV newscasts. I went to the UCLA film archive, and looked at old film footage. I had to re-immerse myself in that night. I tried to find reporters still alive who’d been there that night and could give me some missing details. There were a lot of feelings I still had that I hadn't felt for years.

KARIN: Are you good at taking care of yourself through all of that?

DEBORAH: Probably not, because I would sit and write for hours and hours and hours and hours. And there were days I was writing this book where I was finding it pretty disturbing. But I think I know what I should have been doing to take care of myself. I can tell other people what they should be doing.

KARIN: What should they be doing?

DEBORAH: Well, eating and drinking and getting up every hour and walking around and not writing about the most disturbing content for hours and hours at a time. And just reassuring yourself that that's not your current life. Whatever happened, it's over.

I say to my students, drop crumbs on the way in so you can find your way back out. Like Hansel and Gretel, only don't let the birds eat up your crumbs. So when you go into these places that you know are going to be emotionally difficult, have a plan—like I'm only going to sit and write about this for the next 45 minutes and then I'm going to go take a walk. Or anchor yourself in the present. This is not still happening right now. It might feel like it is while I'm writing about it and I might need it to feel like it's still happening while I'm writing about it, but it's really not still happening. I'm really safe and okay now.

KARIN: Would you be conscious of those thoughts afterwards?

DEBORAH: Yeah, and I think having a sense of humor. My book is funny and I had a sense of humor even as a kid going through some of this stuff, but I have a strong sense of how funny, even really tragic things can be. That's why I think my publisher calls it a tragicomic memoir, because it's funny and the humor helps. I think you can keep in touch with the humor even while you're writing about horrible stuff or you see it with a sense of irony or absurdity. A lot of what went on in my family was just absolutely absurd. It had a sort of histrionic quality. So if you can realize that while you're writing, it creates a little bit of separation.

KARIN: Right. And you don't lose the depth by focusing on that?

DEBORAH: Well, it's a balancing act. It's a trade-off. You have to stay sane while you're writing.

KARIN: What about your parents? Are they around to read this?

DEBORAH: My parents are dead, so I didn't have to worry about that.

KARIN: Is there anyone you needed to be concerned about?

DEBORAH: I have two brothers and both of my brothers are characters in the book, but it's really interesting… my family has a “don't ask, don't tell policy” about my writing, where they don't really want to know. I don't ask them to read it and they don't ask to read it. One brother recently said to me, “Do you think it would be upsetting to me to read your book?” And I said, “I don't know… you're in it.” And he said, “Well, yeah, and I'm not sure if I want to.” They're not the kind of family who will read it and get offended. They just won't read it.

KARIN: Did you change names?

DEBORAH: I changed my family members’ names. I wrote it with a sense of empathy for everybody involved and tried to be fair. There's no victim/perpetrator mentality. That ruins a lot of memoirs.

If my parents were alive, would it be a different book? I don't know. I don't know if I'd be writing this book if my parents were still alive. I'm not sure.

KARIN: You mentioned that you're apprehensive about feeling exposed upon the release of your memoir, even though you've written and published quite a bit. What is that about?

DEBORAH: Yeah, I did not anticipate how exposed I would feel. When I was writing some of the book, I wasn't thinking about anybody reading it, which sounds kind of nuts. Even though my writers’ group was reading it, I wasn't thinking about a public reading it. And there was an impulse to just lay it all out, almost in a confessional way—just lay it all out, have no secrets. And then when I realized that the book was actually coming out in the world, I thought, Oh my God, what did I do? What did I write? Yeah, so I do feel exposed and wonder what will happen when more people read it and I get more feedback.

KARIN: What are you most concerned about?

DEBORAH: I guess my mind goes to people saying, “Wow, you were really nuts. Your family was really nuts.” It's the unknown. It's not knowing how people will react. Like at my 10th birthday party, when my father put on the outfit that he wears on the cover of the book, which was a little Lord Fauntleroy 19th century child outfit… that party wound up not going so well because the other kids thought his behavior was really bizarre.

I didn't anticipate the extent to which they would think it was bizarre. I thought they would think it was fun because I always thought it was fun that he dressed up like a child and could play. I guess it's wondering about that same feeling I had at my 10th birthday party where I saw the other kids go, “Oh, this is way too weird.”

KARIN: Do you think that writing this story shifted anything for you?

DEBORAH:  Oh, absolutely. It was therapeutic. I think you have to be careful that you're not just doing therapy when you're writing, that you're also creating something for other people. But of course you get clarity and revelation and epiphany and figure out things you never understood before. Just shaping your experiences changes the way you see them and feel about them.

KARIN: Is there anything specific that you're able to put into words?

DEBORAH: There were so many little revelations and so many little epiphanies along the way. There's something satisfying once it's a book and you can hold it in your hand and feel like you've actually created this object. I'm not sure if there's any one thing that I understood differently, that I can point to. There were so many little things along the way. I think every time you're sitting down to write an episode, you're having little revelations about it. Don't you find that when you're teaching your students, that they're constantly having “Oh, wow?” moments?

KARIN: Yes, I find it’s an organic, unfolding process. The whole thing is transformative.

DEBORAH: I think I realized the extent to which I had been holding on to this idea that my father was not crazy until he was. Until he went psychotic, he wasn't really crazy. And while writing the book, I had to question how crazy was he before he went psychotic. How many crazy ideas did he impart to me when I thought he was just neurotic? I had to rethink a lot of what I had taken as reality. Because he had a lot of nutty ideas before he was ever officially psychotic. And is it a spectrum? Or is there really a point at which you fall off the ledge? I still don't know.

KARIN: Do you do have perspective on that now?

DEBORAH: I think it's a spectrum. I think he definitely had psychotic ideas. I don't think he was completely out of touch with reality. But he had ideas that were not reality-based. For example, there's an episode in the book where my mom has a migraine headache and my dad has to make lunch. So we're opening cans for lunch. And whenever he opened cans, we had to stand around and listen for the pfftt, the sound of the air entering the vacuum-packed chamber of the can. Because if we didn't do that, he thought we would all die of botulism.

It was completely irrational because botulism is an anaerobe that can only live in a sealed can. It made no logical sense, but it was an emotional ritual for him. Was that pretty nutty? Yeah, that was pretty nutty.

KARIN: What would you say to the writers out there who know they have a book in them, but can’t yet see it?

DEBORAH: I say just start to put it together and see what you have to start—take those episodes and put them up against one another. I think, especially now, people are writing a lot of experimental forms. They're writing a lot of things that don't look like conventional narratives that work So don't assume that it has to be a linear story. But I think you just have to start putting things next to each other and seeing what happens. There's a certain energy that comes from juxtaposing one episode with another.

KARIN: And yet the editor you worked with encouraged you towards a linear narrative.

DEBORAH: He helped me create more of a linear narrative. But that was a few years ago. I think that times have already changed in terms of what's getting published and how linear a narrative needs to be. I think you put what you have together and then you see what's missing. Is it years that are missing? Is it a formative moment? I tried to include the formative moments. That's one way to think about it: what are the formative moments?

KARIN: When you think of unconventional memoirs, are there any in particular that come to mind you have enjoyed?

DEBORAH:  Paul Lisicky’s book Later: My Life at the Edge of the World, which just came out, about his early years coming out as gay at the height of the AIDS epidemic in Provincetown. It's not linear in its organization, and I think it, totally works. Also, Sarah Manguso's books, especially Ongoingness: the End of a Diary. And Maggie Nelson’s works. Those are just a few examples.

KARIN: How do you find a structure in something like that?

DEBORAH: I think there has to be some kind of emotional throughline and maybe a metaphorical throughline. What are the metaphors that keep repeating? What are the objects that keep showing up? Because sometimes an object that you saw every day in your childhood can become a metaphor for much more than itself.

I just taught this book by Robert Goolrick, The End of the World as We Know It. He reports this episode where his mother who was a drunk, as was his father,  burns a cigarette hole in her dress one night on her way out to a party, and she has to come back and change. That hole in her party dress becomes a symbol for so much in his childhood that went wrong, and for how his parents were trying to maintain this veneer of respectability when they were  going downhill as drunks and that hole in her dress just takes on more and more resonance, the further the book goes along.

Look for those symbols, those objects that can take on more meaning than they might seem to have at first.

KARIN: Thank you for all of these wonderful insights. Do you think some of your upcoming events over the next few months might still happen?
 
DEBORAH: Well, events are being rescheduled for July. I’m happy that my reading at Antioch University’s Literary Uprising will still take place as a virtual event on May 12th at 5:30 p.m. There’ll be info about how to join on Antioch’s website and on my Facebook page. I’m doing some podcasts and radio too. No one knows how the next few months are going to go; we’ll all just have to see.



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